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With the passing of yet another full moon, I’ve come to realize I may be married to a descendant of mythical proportions. Right on cue, every month, this usually mild-mannered human becomes restless and itchy.
Sometime about 2 days prior to the full glow, he starts shifting in his sleep. The shifting turns into agitation and the agitation turns into almost inaudible, but definitely there, growling.
Sure, I checked the sheets for bugs but there were none. I double-checked the laundry detergent, no “new formula” on the label. I did notice there was more hair lying about, but then I realized that was probably just from the beagles.
By the night the full moon peaks, this person becomes almost unrecognizable. He thrashes about. The covers are stripped away. He is sideways, he is sitting up. The pillow is innocently pounded upon as the behavior heightens. He is up and down, drinking what seems like gallons of water, but he seems to find no relief.
What will explain these odd occurrences? Is it my husband? Is it the Wolfman? Is it the beagles? No wait, I remember distinctly hearing the dogs snoring. Then it hits me, will I be the next victim that unwittingly allows myself to lie asleep (hair brushed, make-up intact, and of course wearing a gorgeous gown with matching robe gently laid at the foot of the bed) and become the next victim of this hairy, scratching beast?
I am frozen with fear now, unsure of his next move. He sits up. He looks toward the light filtering through the blinds. My breathing almost stops. He turns to look my way. I slit my eyes to watch while lying motionless. He stands up. He turns back towards the bed. Is he getting ready to pounce? Are those claws I am making out, or had he just forgotten to clip his nails? Panic is taking over. He scratches his backside again. Please, someone, help!
He starts moving…..what, what, what will he do????? He reaches toward one of the beagles. Why? Not him!!!! I start to lunge towards him to defend my baby, and then he shifts the dog’s behind further over in the bed.
I guess it is just my husband. I guess he just can’t sleep. I guess it just gets more annoying each month. I guess the beagles just don’t care.
cmtreadway 